I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize