I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
