They should really pass out barf bags in church
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
