We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
