Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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