I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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