This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You dont lie about slip and slides
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
