Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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