It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
as a side note pls kill me
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