The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
