why didn't you poke me back
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
