He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
What a dumb baby whore.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
