Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
