woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
