I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
