will power is for people who don't want to get laid
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
