Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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