If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
