the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
