Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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