I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
