I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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