I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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