They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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