Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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