She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
