his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
