good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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