Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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