There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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