and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
