Whod you bang
so that wasnt chicken after all
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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