I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
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for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
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My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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