so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
