so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
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If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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