I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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