You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
