i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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