My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
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I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
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I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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