just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
