He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
