Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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