just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
