Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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