is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
