Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
