remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
