Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
