Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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