The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
