My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
