I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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