When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
