Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
