My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
