Are we in a gay sports bar?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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