some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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