He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
