First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
