she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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