I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
