Yo dont text me then not text me
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
