Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
