actually, I'm a sock model
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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