I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
