My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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