we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
