she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
